if you loved me (why'd you leave me)
by Cynthia03
Summary: based off on the 4x20 promo. angst warning.
"I don't know how to say goodbye" Emma cries, shaking her head in utter denial as _how many bloody times does she have to do this?_

Killian smiles, his eyes shining with unshed tears as he brushes her tears away with his thumb, cupping her cheek then, "Love, you have t-"

" _No_ " she says fiercely, twitching her jaw in suppressed anger, "Why do _I_ have to do this every time? Why do I lose every one I love?" her voice breaks then, "Why don't you just _stay_? _Please_ "

He stares at her for a moment, watching the way how even in her wrecked state with tears falling down her cheeks rapidly, her chest heaving in pain, and her lower lip trembling with her sobs, she still has that stubborn fire, that _punch him in the face_ Emma Swan power and he loves her so much in this moment he might burst. Always has, always will.

Killian exhales loudly, the tears falling down his cheek as he speaks softly, "Close your eyes, love"

Emma doesn't answer, just stares at him, not making this any easier on him.

"You're stronger than me, Emma, you always have been. You'll live through this" he presses his forehead to hers, his hooked arm coming around her waist, pulling her tightly flush to him.

"Our future is ends now" he whispers, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "But you'll have one" he kisses her shut eye, feeling the saltiness of her tears, "You'll watch Henry court his crushes" – kiss to her cheek, "watch your brother learn to walk, to speak, and you'll be the bloody best big sister ever" – kiss to her jaw, "you'll see your parents be so in love and roll your eyes at them with Henry and Regina".

He separates from her, their bodies still pressing, "And maybe one day you'll even find love of your own"

She opens her mouth to protest as he still doesn't fucking gets it – this is _it_ for her, _he's_ it, the One, her true love, he's the one she can't, doesn't want to lose – but he presses his lips to hers, breaking off her complain and kissing her like he's never before with all the love pouring into it, showing her what even his quite extensive vocabulary could never possibly fathom of just how fiercely and deeply he loves her.

Emma regains her breathing once she pulls back, her heartbeat thudding loud and her head _and_ heart hurting cause she knows this needs to be done, she has to let him go, she has to be strong. She has to respect his wishes.

"I love you" she whispers, taking a step back from him but keeps his hand tightly enclosed in her, "I love you _so much_ " she whispers again, with much more conviction but there's no need as –

"I know" he takes a step back as well, their hands now full stretched, "I love you too"

With another step farther apart their hands drop down, the link, the bond between them broken and Killian takes a few more steps back until he reaches the end, a pit of nothingness behind him which in reality will cause him utter despair.

"Killian-" she looks at him, notices the nervous gulp he takes, the tears spilling down his cheek, the quiver of his lips, and once again she's standing there with Excalibur in her hands, and Killian in front of her, pleading for her to end his misery and allow him to repent for his sins.

 _Again_.

Killian takes a look back, sighing heavily at whatever hell is waiting for him but its all worth it – all 300 years of misery, of hurt, of darkness is worth the _very_ little amount of time he's gotten to love this bloody amazing and brilliant woman and with some miracle have her love him back so fiercely.

He forces every nerve in his body to work, to make this work for him because no way is his last memory going to be a painful one for her. He knows the way someone's last words and act can haunt a loved one, how it can push them into a pit of darkness and a thirst for revenge and he wishes nothing but happiness for his Swan.

Once, somehow his body actually listens to him and he has formed a smirk on his face, he whispers, "Goodbye, beautiful"

And then with one last look of her huff of laughter amidst the sheer agony on her face, he falls backwards.

~~xx~~


End file.
